Applying biblical morality

I've been meaning to post this for some time, a letter that's been circulating through the internets.

(Thanks Mark and Melissa for the pointers!)

Dear President Bush,





            Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding

God's law.  I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that

knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend

the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.  End of debate.

 I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other

elements

of God's Laws and how to follow them:



            1.  Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both

male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. 

A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to

Canadians.  Can you clarify?  Why can't I own Canadians?



            2.  I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as

sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think

would

be a fair price for her?



            3.  I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while

she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24).  The

problem is, how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take

offense.



            4.  When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know

it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9).  The problem is my

neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  Should I

smite

them?



            5.  I have a neighbor who insists on working on the

Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. 

Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police

to

do it?



            6.  A friend of mine feels that, even though eating

shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination

than homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there

"degrees" of abomination?



            7.  Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of

God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear

reading

glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room

here?



            8.  Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,

including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly

forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?



            9.  I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a

dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear

gloves?



            10.  My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev. 19:19 by

planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by

wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread

(cotton/polyester

blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. 

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the

whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)?  Couldn't we just

burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people

who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?



            I know you have studied these things extensively and thus

enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can

help.



            Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is

eternal

and unchanging.